I try to keep things pretty light on this blog. I want this to be a record of the best years of my life as a new wife and Mother. So many happy moments, too many to document. From the moment each baby was placed in my arms, I was transformed. My whole life purpose found in two small bundles of joy. I love being married and staying home with my kids.
But some days, just don't jive. Days where my voice has taken on that tone before 8am. Where everyone is whining, in tears, or making a mess. Some days start out okay, but by 5pm I'm feeling pretty "touched out." I need a break from hearing Mommy, I need to not be touched for one second. I have my own projects that need my attention. (My closet, adult coloring books, and the pantry for example. Don't even get me started on my nails!)
Last night I told Bennett I was feeling grumpy and needed a break for 5 minutes. He started crying and said, "but I love you so much!" It took my grumpy mood down a notch. Sometimes he just wants me. Needs my attention. Colette is the same way. At times, I feel spread pretty thin. There are days where I can't even take a bathroom break by myself, and the dishes have to wait. I feel frazzled on those days. I want things to fall in place easier. My house should be clean, our Target run should be smooth and involve no crying, they should nap, the daily outing shouldn't be so hard. I have really good intentions. And perhaps unreasonably high expectations?
It is a constant chore to remind myself to be in the moment, to enjoy these kids wanting me. Bennett will be four next month. Colette is totally a toddler now. Soon I will have plenty of time on my hands and the silence will be deafening. I will miss those grubby little paws.
Today started off with a bumpy beginning. Too many tears. Too much yelling. I'm pouring a second coffee. I'm hoping to recharge and restart.
Mommy is human. She loses her temper. But she loves her little brats more than anything.
Is is it the weekend yet?!